Sorry

Sorry for not updating in a while. I've been rather busy. My last fast didn't work so well and I haven't really tried it since then. I'm too in love with food which is disgusting. I'm back to 157.  :-( No good. We had family over this weekend so I had to eat. Then yesterday was my 21st b-day so I needed food in me so I wouldn't throw up after a drink. I had my second psych appointment at 2pm. I realized that I really don't like my counselor. She's a behavioral psychologist and what I really need is a psychoanalytical psychologist. This one is very focused on the now. She doesn't like talking about the past. It's really frustrating. Well after my appointment, I went home and we went to Jefferson's for food and a drink. I had chicken strips and fries and a drink called a Vegas Bomb. Then we went to Peerless saloon for drinks. I had a Twanger (Crown Royal and Peach-tree schnapps) then a Jager bomb. After that we went to ABC Beverage so I could buy some alcohol and then we went home. My father-in-law didn't want to be out too late. When I got home I was a little tipsy (the Twanger was a double shot) so I made a rum and coke and made some french fries. After some cuddling time with the hubby I fell asleep. My mom actually texted me twice and called once. My dad finally called at what was 8:30pm his time to finally wish me a happy birthday but he didn't want to talk much. Today My father-in-law and I got candy and some decorations for Halloween. Now I'm getting ready to head out to class. I think that's about it.

Excited

My second fast lasted 23 hours. :-) Then I gave in and had a couple chips with dip. :-( But I'm losing weight. Right now I'm 154.8 with my heavy denim jeans on and 153.2 without. That's so awesome. The only downside is I'm really cold, tired, and dizzy a lot now. This fast has been going for 17 hours now. I keep getting this really nasty taste in my mouth though. I've tried drinking soda, then water, then milk. Then I tried brushing my teeth a lot but it kept coming back shortly after. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night so I think I should take a nap before my math class tonight.

Back on track

So my first fast only lasted 14 hours because my father-in-law decided to make dinner WAY too early. So I ate two chicken strips, some corn, and a little bit of mashed potatoes. After class I got weak and had a couple (maybe 8) saltines with butter. It's now been 17 hours since I last ate and I'm actually feeling really good. I learned that the throat spray you use when you've got a sore throat works pretty well at getting rid of my appetite. When I weighed myself earlier I weighed 155.5 with clothes 154.2 without. I got so excited. I finally lost that 5th lb. Let's see if I can keep it off now. I'll be so excited if I can lose another two or three by Tuesday. So now I'm just waiting for class to start. I guess I should go call my dad or something. 

Restarting

Ok so I've failed horribly when it came to my diet. I had family over this weekend and it's hard to explain to the kids why I'm not eating when I'm telling them to eat. So I'm going to try a couple mini fasts. When I say fasts, I mean no actual food but occasionally I'll have an Ensure to keep me going. I'm still at around 157lbs. I hit 155 the other day but it bounced back up. I've gone 12 hours without anything to eat. I'm going to tell my father-in-law that I ate while he was at the store and that I'll grab something when I get home from my night class that way he won't notice that I'm not eating. I just don't want to have to explain to him that it's the only way I can lose weight. He wouldn't understand and he'd probably get overprotective and sit and watch me eat, which would make me want to eat even less. So, only 7 days until my b-day. I'm kind of nervous. I don't know why but I'm just not ready for it. I don't think I've ever dreaded a birthday as much as I'm dreading this one. Ick. Anyways, I'm off to finish my math homework before class tonight.

eh. .

Today was ok. I woke up around 11:30am and started cleaning. We've got family coming over this weekend. One of my brothers-in-law, his wife, and their four kids are coming and staying until monday. I cleaned the bathroom and finally got the bathtub cleaned. I then got the hallway and our bedroom cleaned and vacuumed. I swept out front and then went through my emails. I finally got my check from Toluna so Zach and I put that in the bank and went out for food. That's when things started going bad. I officially hate going out to eat. I mean, I like the whole going out part, it's just the eating part I hate. I don't want Zach getting too worried so I ordered something small. Then I lost control. I had planned on only eating two chicken strips and maybe a couple fries. The chicken strips were bigger than I thought and I ended up eating 3 of them and half my fries. I feel so fat. I'm at 157.0 again. :-( And I was doing so good. So now I'm drowning my sorrows in Watermelon Pucker and sprite. Not the best unless you like stuff that drinks like cranberry juice. (Which I don't). Anyways, enough of my complaining. Time to go play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 with my husband.

A little frustrated

Why is it that whenever people notice that I'm not eating they ask, "Am I just not making food you like anymore?" Instead of, "Hey is everything ok?" My father-in-law is more worried that I don't like his cooking. He doesn't understand that I don't like eating all the time. I'm not like him. He wonders why he can't lose weight, well it's because he eats all the time. If he'd cut down a bit or at least cut out the junk food he'd start losing weight but what do I know? No one EVER listens to me around here. They always know best. It's not like I have a reasonably good idea ever. GAH! It's so annoying. Today's weight is 156.5 Not too happy about that. I'm going to take my diet pill and see if I can make it until after class tonight without eating.

. . .

I'm trying to write a paper for my English 101 class and I just can't seem to focus. I need a rough draft ready for peer editing in less than 12 hours. I'm not sure what to write so I'm just going to BS it. One problem is that I'm watching the movie  Reviving Ophelia. It hits way too close to home. . . Anyways, Today's weight is 157.0 I feel huge. I ate chicken strips, french fries, 2 hard boiled eggs and a banana nut muffin. Plus I didn't have time to work out because I woke up late and had to go with Zach to the doctor. So, I'm going to go and try to finish this rough draft so I can print it tomorrow.