A little better

Things have been going pretty ok lately. Still haven't talked to my parents in a while. My mom called while I was in class on Thursday. I sent her a text saying I was in class. In her voice message she said she'd try the next day but she never did. She commented on my status on facebook so I know she's still alive. I guess all of Michigan is having a pretty awful snow storm right now. I'm so glad I'm down here in Alabama. I would hate to deal with the snow. Zach and I washed the blazer and the van. He's going to vacuum and steam clean the blazer in a little while. We might be getting another car soon. I'm really excited. My brother-in-law is going to be selling his old car and my father-in-law is going to try and buy it from him for us. I'll be so happy. It's a pretty old car but it runs well and it's the type of car I've been looking for. Once we get that, I'll be able to find a job. Once I find a job, I'll be able to contribute to the household. Once I start doing that, my father in law will back off and I'll be able to afford things I want. Things might be looking up but I don't want to jinx it by saying it's a sure thing. That's the last thing I need. I hate having things look like they're going to work out but then fall apart. I've got my fingers crossed though.

Doing a little better

I'm doing a little better today. Yesterday I had a bit of a emotional break at the earlier part of the day. Here's what I posted in a support group forum that I'm part of.

Trigger? Hey all, sorry I haven't been so active. A lot has been going on. My husband and I are back to playing WoW. It keeps my mind occupied most of the time. I'm back on Xanax and Zoloft. I'm also on Maximum D3. They said my vitamin D levels were really low when I went to the doc. I've been taking my meds and my moods have somewhat stabled out. The problem is, I'm not feeling much of anything. Like, I can get happy but then I'll kind of flat line and just feel nothing. I haven't cried since I started these meds. That's not normal. I've felt like crying. Things have made me a little sad. But the tears won't come. I'm glad that I haven't gotten angry though. But I kind of got used to being able to be sad. Now I just feel like I'm existing. Not really going anywhere. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I haven't been able to write lately and I can't find the energy to work on my photography. I'm losing inspiration. Everything is going grey. There are no bright colors anymore. At least without the Zoloft there were intense colors. Deep blues, Blazing reds, Shining yellows. Now it's only grey. Sorry for the rambling. I'm not even sure what I mean.

A couple people offered words of support but I didn't get much of a response. I'm still not feeling much right now. My father in law turned his phone off earlier so I had to sit outside for about 20 minutes waiting for him to pick me up. Somehow I don't really care. I'm not mad that he neglected to turn his phone on. I'm not sad that I was forgotten and left alone. I just don't care. It worries me slightly. I just don't know what to do. I got my new computer so I'm going to go play some wow before I have to go to Spanish class. 

frustrated

Ok. So we had a "family discussion" today. It consisted of my father in law assuming that my husband and I were just going to loaf around here forever and never pay any bills. He tried to be nice about it but it still infuriated me. We've been trying to get out of here for months now. I told him we were looking at apartments and everything. He said he didn't want us to leave he just wanted us to contribute. So he doesn't want us to have our own space but he wants us to pay the bills. Yeah. . . . We're going to get my computer. Mostly because he promised to get one and he's not going to go back on his word. He thinks we play too many video games. Well then how am I keeping an all A average right now? Oh yeah, because unlike him and my parents I understand things the first time I hear them and if I don't, I study a little. I don't need to spend every waking minute studying just to understand my classes. I'm also sick of him assuming that I'm not trying to get a job. If he'd get that other car like he promised, it would be a hell of a lot easier for me to get one. oh well. I'm going to get going. I'll try to upload more tomorrow.

Sorry

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Things have been a little odd. My mom is calling me about once a week or so on her drive home. I'm kind of sad that this is the only time she can call. I went to the doc the other day. I'm back on zoloft for depression and Xanax for anxiety and insomnia. I'm also on maximum d3 because I am vitamin d deficient or something like that. Well I've got to get going. Class is about to start, I just figured I should let y'all know that I'm still alive and doing a little better.