Failure Again

I've failed again. I finally got a job. I was selling newspaper subscriptions in front of stores. It was ok at first. I thought it would help me get used to being around people again. Not so much. It made my anxiety much worse. It wasn't so much the people not wanting to subscribe, that is understandable, it was more about the people who ignored me or who would say "No" angrily as I said hello.

From there, things got worse. I had a couple days of good sales, but as my anxiety got worse so did my sales. Plus I was at awful locations. Seriously who is going to buy a $12.50 newspaper subscription outside a dollar store? Finally I had two days in a row where I had no sales at all. Both days I got heat exhaustion and ended up getting sick. I asked my boss how many days of no sales before I would get fired. He told me not to worry and that he would work with me to figure out why I wasn't getting sales.

Then I had an appointment with a new psychiatrist. He put me on an anticonvulsant. I should have been put on at least an antidepressant or antipsychotic to deal with the bipolar. But no, he knew better. I told him my anxiety meds weren't working at all and I was taking too much just to help a little. He still wanted to keep me on it. Next time I see him, I'm going to chuck the bottle of meds at him because nothing is working. I feel like utter crap.

After the meeting with the psychiatrist, I talked to my friends and my husband. I've been so stressed that I'm making myself sick. Finally I decided to quit. I did it via text message. He was really understanding. I had to admit to him that the "doctor" appointments I had were actually psych appointments. He said he hopes I get well soon.

I lasted 16 days this time....

I met up with my boss the other day and brought him back his stuff. He was really nice about everything. I guess he's used to people leaving like that. Sad part is it'll take 2 months before I get my paychecks. They hold them in case the person cancels their subscription before the initial month. Luckily that's when the hubby is going to basic so I'll have some money coming in.