Don't know what to do

Still nothing in the mail from my dad. I don't know how to call and let him know that he's pissing me off. I've never been able to yell at him. I've always been daddy's little girl or papa's little princess. I want to scream at him and tell him that he's a sorry excuse of a person and that he's worthless and has never truly been there for me in my life. I want to tell him that he either needs to send me that card or several thousand dollars so I can get the medical attention and help I need. But no, I'll never say that. Why? Because I'm too scared of what he'll do. Not to me, but himself. I'm worried that if I tell him how much I don't like him and how much crap he's put me through, that he'll finally kill himself. I couldn't live with knowing it was my fault.

I'm really hungry but I can't find anything to eat. Everything is high in fat and high in calories. Nothing healthy. I ran out of bread yesterday. I was making turkey subs and one of those a day was almost enough that I wasn't hungry later. I have to find where my father in law was buying the bread and go get more without him telling me to eat leftovers. Greasy, fatty, calorie loaded, leftovers. Homemade pizza with all artificial ingredients. Spaghetti with greasy sausage sauce. I can't do it. I just want healthy stuff and I don't want to get grief over it. (My father in law seems to think it's "amazing" when I actually eat healthy stuff. Well I'd eat more if there was any good tasting healthy stuff around. But no, it's mostly unhealthy stuff or stuff that tastes like dog food.)

Anyways, sorry for my rant. I just need to get some of this out. I don't have anyone to complain to anymore. I used to have friends that would listen to how bad my day was but they're up in Michigan and moving on with their lives. I'm stuck down here. Friendless. It sucks. Ok. I really need to stop with the self pity. I'm starting to anger myself with it.  Time to go shopping for bread or something. Or listen to really loud music. Peace all.