Sorry.

I might not be on for a while. Every now and then I may do a mini update, but that's about it. I'm having a really hard time right now. I minor OD'd two weeks ago (no hospitalization). I'm back into SI habits. I had to call a suicide hotline the other night as well. (the night of the OD). Things are just getting really tough and everyone I know seems to fit into two categories. They  either 1) don't want to bother listening to me  or 2) thinks I'm taking things too far. Either way, I don't have the support system that I need. I've got a psych appointment Jan 7th. It's a struggle just getting up each day. I don't want to be admitted to a hospital (no insurance and no money) but I'm running out of options.

Everyone that says they'll read my work and give suggestions, they're all too busy. One guy friend has finally offered to help, but it breaks my heart that the only person helping is a person I met while playing World of Warcraft. My writing has become my downfall. It's gotten darker again. With my mood, my writing follows. I'm almost to the point of killing off my main character just because I'm angry. I use my writing to help me deal with the real world and now, I barely have that. One person noticed that I wasn't ok (the day after OD) and they were too afraid to ask any further questions other than if I was ok. Just one time I want someone that's active in my life (no offense online friends but I'm not always online so you can't always help) to check and make sure I was ok. My hands alone would show that I'm not.

My husband and I are going down to Florida for a couple days around Christmas. Hopefully that will help a little bit. I doubt it, but it's worth a shot. My little cousin wants to see me and I might as well go, if only for the fact of making sure she's ok and I get a feel for her friends. (She's like a mini me and that worries me. Maybe I can put a little fear into the hearts of her guy friends so they know not to hurt her.)

Whatever. I'm done wasting the time of the few people, if any, who read this. Maybe I'll go write. Maybe I'll just go take my xanax and go into a comatose sleep. Maybe I'll just stare at a wall. Who cares. See ya later. Maybe.