After I made that call to the suicide helpline last night, I felt a little better. She was a young and very helpful young woman. She wasn't the overly nice type (that would have probably made my bpd worse. the want to cling etc.) but she was understanding. She was proud that I knew I needed help and gave me the confidence to go and get that help. If I don't do it on my alone today, I'll set up a day to go in next week. I'm sort of hoping that my ex boss will be able to drive me in. Maybe I'll go in after I go out to lunch today. I'll need to look up the hours.
The lady on the phone made sure that I had something to do other than hurt my self. I told her that I should go to bed or watch tv. She thought that going to bed was a good idea. I tried but I couldn't sleep so I went into a depression chat room that I hadn't been into in a while. I talked to someone for an hour or two. Ironically they had a personality disorder as well. It was extremely helpful. We talked until they needed to go to bed. Then I finally decided to go to bed. I'm doing . . .ok. . . today. I'm foggy from all of the xanax from last night.
I should go start getting dressed and look up info for calhoun county mental health center. I should also talk to the hubby, I'm not sure how to tell him that I called a suicide hotline though. Oh well, let's build up that energy and get that out there. Better than lying and not saying it at all.
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