Drunk

I'm really sorry I haven't posted on here in a while. I guess I've been pretty occupied. My hubby has his surgery on his ear drum on Monday. I'm not looking forward to it. We're going into Atlanta tomorrow and checking into a hotel. I'm really scared for my hubby. I know it's just a simple operation but hospitals scare the living crap out of me. I don't know what it is. I just have a horrible fear of hospitals. Anyways. .  . in order to relax tonight, I started drinking. I've had a lot. I've been playing WoW too. I got my druid to lvl 85. Not like that really means anything to anyone. Well, it was hard. Now I feel accomplished. So. . . Lately I've been feeling like shit. I've not been really feeling anything. I just feel empty. Like I'm not me. Like I'm watching someone else's life flash before my eyes. I want to cry but I can't. I want to feel something more than nothing. I know it doesn't make sense. It's hard to explain. I get the feeling that I need to cry. I'll even get a little sting in my eyes that I used to get before I cried. But nothing comes. No tears. Nothing. Just blah. Last night and tonight I've had a really hard time staying away from sharp objects. But so far I haven't done anything. I'm really proud of myself. I've done well surprisingly enough. The temptation is there. I had to take two xanax last night instead of one. Anyways. I'm up to 1 1/2 pills of my zoloft. My doc said the sun should help me get feeling better. He also said my dizzy episodes may have something to do with hypoglycemic episodes or something like that. He said it might be when my blood sugar drops too low. So far I haven't had a problem since I went to the doc. Anyways. . . I should get to bed. It's 3:30am and I'm not sure when we're going over to Atlanta.