The worst thing you can say to a woman who is TTC

The worst thing you can say to a person that is trying to have a child is, "It'll happen when it's meant to happen." It crushes. It stings like a thousand knives in their soul. They don't want to hear that or, "It'll happen in God's time." To me it's rubbish. My husband and I have been trying to have a child on and off for 4 years. There's something wrong with me that's causing us to not get pregnant. I won't go into detail but I'll need to see a doctor if we want to have children.

A week ago I saw a nurse practitioner, at the Mental Health Center. I explained that I had been crying a lot more. She should have understood that with Bipolar disorder, I'm bound to have fits like this. Her instant reaction was to ask if I was pregnant. I told her there was no way I could be. She insisted on me getting a pregnancy test. I went and had lab work done. The next day they faxed her the results but she lost them. I had to wait a week to find out that I'm not. During that week, it got mine and my husbands hopes up. We began hoping for a miracle child. Then the symptoms started. They were all in my head but they felt very real. The negative test result came after over an hour of talking to my nurse practitioner, counselor, and the lab company. I finally found out online on the patient website. I've been having a hard time keeping myself composed ever since.

My counselor was very sympathetic but she said another rubbish phrase, "You've still got time. You're still young." Another phrase that should never be told to a person who is trying to have children. I know she meant well and she sat on the phone with me for a little bit while I cried. She reminded me not to SI even though she knew this would be a bad trigger for me. Luckily I didn't want to let her down so I didn't. I'm still a month clean. Though I have been smoking again because of it.

It's hard for others to understand how devastating these phrases can be. I know it has something to do with me. (Trust me on this. It's part of a personal thing I don't want to mention on a public blog) But people have to realize, these phrases do nothing more than put salt in an already deep wound that another negative result produces. Struggling with infertility is not an easy thing to go through and it's even worse when people assume they know the whole story. They just assume I'm not timing things right. It has nothing to do with that. Trust me.

I don't wish this kind of pain on anyone and I sympathize with all of those couples out there trying to have a child but are having troubles.

It hurts even more when people who don't want children or never wanted children are starting to have them. I have friends, cousins, second cousins and many others around me posting their baby bump pictures on Facebook. I've tried hiding them from my news feed but they still keep popping up. It kills me. All I've ever wanted was to be a mom and now that feels like it has been taken from me. I wish, just once that someone would understand and not say these over used and overly painful phrases in hopes that it will help.

The one thing I can be thankful for is my best friend back home. She has been with me through all of my struggles and she is the one person that has been trying to get my spirits up and has actually offered some valid advice on what to do next. Also, the ladies in my trucking wife group on Facebook have been more than kind in their prayers and positive thoughts. They have been so supportive of me in this really rough time.

Basically I want to say to all those that are having fertility issues, there is hope. There are doctors out there that can help figure out what is wrong and can offer options and treatments to help you along the way. Never give up hope. I know it is hard to have hope when there has been so many let downs, but it can get better. Get a doctors opinion, if that doesn't help, go to another and another until you find a doctor that is willing to sit down and help you figure out what is wrong. I'm just now starting that journey. I pray every night for those that are having difficulties. I wish you all the best and I hope that someday, you find the right doctor to help you along your way to having a happy and healthy baby.

God Bless.