UGGH

Called in to work yesterday, then had today off. Turns out my boss's boss called and left a voicemail this morning while I was sleeping. I was so doped up on my meds that I didn't hear the phone ring or the notification for my voicemail. I finally woke up when I heard the text message sound. The text said:

Checking on you. How are things going? Tried calling no answer. Please let me know.

I called him back and explained that I was sick yesterday and today was my day off. He asked when I could come back to work. I explained I could come back tomorrow. I didn't know how to handle his tone. I don't know if he was angry, upset, bored, or whatever. I know I'm risking my job by "getting sick" so much. I just don't care. I'm dropping lower. I stopped the meds. They were bothering me. I'm only on the anxiety pills again. 

I called the mental health center to schedule an earlier appointment but it went to voicemail. This is really getting on my nerves. I'm hitting an anger and depressed spot at the same time. Not fun.

The cat is scheduled to get neutered on Monday. Hopefully I'll have the time to bring him in. If not, I'll have my father in law do it. It needs to be done. He peed in one of my good shoes yesterday. Now I've got all of our shoes in the bathtub soaking in spot cleaner and animal odor remover. ..... 

I'm so tired... of everything. I want to punch something or cry but I can't do anything. I'll just pick my husband up at the truck and act like I'm fine. Sometimes I think I should have been an actress. Everyone believes my masks. .......