Regressing

I feeling like I'm regressing. I'm back on my medicine, but I don't feel like they're doing anything. My moods are back to the same, if not worse than, before the medicine. I'm hitting extreme lows and my anger bursts are getting almost unbearable. Everything is upsetting me.

I called into work today because I felt awful. I couldn't pull myself out of bed. I wanted to just sleep and sleep. I took extra medicine to get some more sleep. I think I fell asleep around 9pm ish. I didn't wake up until 2pm. I still felt like I didn't get any sleep but the room was too bright so I couldn't sleep anymore. I feel bad calling into work because they really appreciate me and they say that they really need the help right now. (I clean a department store and the only other person I work with, my boss, is in the hospital for heart issues.) I just can't seem to bring myself to do the same thing over and over every day. I just want it all to stop. I hate it. I keep telling everyone that I love the job and I'm so happy to have it, but I'm just making people get out of my business a little bit.

I'm finding it hard to eat again as well. I feel ill a lot more now. I keep feeling like I'm going to throw up. My head hurts more often than not. Excedrin isn't helping anymore.

I just don't know what to do. I'm screaming for help but I'm screaming into a pillow. No one can hear me. I really don't know what to do. My meeting with counselor isn't until the 28th. I'm going to call tomorrow and see if I can get into see her earlier. It's just getting to be too much. God help me.