Losing grip or finally regaining some hold? (triggers for SI)

I found out today that I am still able to bleed. (Nothing relaxes me when I'm having a mental break down like seeing my own blood and for the longest time, I haven't been able to make myself bleed) The amount of release that came with it was amazing. I'm able to slightly see through the fog that's been filling my mind lately. I still don't have a ton of creativity but I wrote two free write things today. I got my Christmas tree up in our room. I started missing my mom while I was putting it up. It's a little reminder of home. I keep fading back and forth between calm and depressed. I'm thinking of just taking my double dose of Nyquil and trying to write some stuff before I go to bed. Tomorrow will start my (hopefully) thorough study schedule. I really need to make sure I finish this semester with really good grades. As of right now, I still have above a 90% in all my classes. If I can keep it that way, I should be good. I'm off to my Nyquil induced creativity. Wish me luck.   ^_^