Messed up

So after I posted the thing about being SI free, I messed up. Then again two days later. I just can't help it. It calms me down. I keep getting frustrated and stressed and I don't know what to do about it. I think the medicine is helping a little but not enough for me to feel like it's worth it. I want to up the dosage but I don't know how to talk to my doctor. When I do get in to see him, he talks fast and tries to get me out of there as fast as possible. Then he doesn't explain what I can and can't do with the meds. I ended up slightly ODing on my xanax the other night. I'm only supposed to take .5mg for panic attacks. I took 3mg plus my sleeping pill. It was the night I had the fight with the hubby about me not knowing how to let him know I need him to take care of me when I'm sad. I felt like crap and really weak the next day. I slept on the car ride home from my husband's uncle. Then I laid in bed and didn't move for another hour. I'm doing ok now and I haven't taken much since then. Tonight I'm kind of down and not sure what to do. We got new cable so I could always watch movies or something. Or I could play video games since my husband is playing WoW. Well, goodnight those few that read.