Don't know what I'm doing anymore

I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. I feel like I'm living a lie. Well, more like not really living at all. I feel so numb. Like there's nothing left inside of me. Tears come and fall but for what reason? I just don't want to be here right now. I don't want to be anywhere. I just want to stop existing. I don't know what my purpose is anymore. My counselor basically told me I wouldn't make it as a counselor, so there goes my life's dream. All I seem to do is worry or stress out those that I let get close to me. I don't know how much longer of this I can deal with. I laid in bed for 4 hours after I woke up just listening to moonlight sonata and thinking. Thinking about everything and anything. I've come to realize that my parent's care about me for about 5 minutes a month. I never got a card or call back from my dad after my birthday. I called my mom the other day and she said she'd try to call back after she got out of work but she never did. What a surprise. Not. The scars are fading. Nothing left to pick at. If things don't get better, I'll have to start all over again. It's the only way I know how to deal. No one else seems to understand. I'm just going to go fade into the background now. Maybe you'll find me in your shadow some day, trying to hide from the sun.